


Helpless

by Maon



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Declarations Of Love, F/M, Fade Dreams, Fluff and Angst, Modern Character in Thedas, Trapped, Vallaslin (Dragon Age)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-03
Updated: 2020-04-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:33:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23464744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maon/pseuds/Maon
Summary: She used to be an ordinary woman, before she woke up as Ellana Lavellan. A dream come true for a Dragon Age fan, isn't it?As it turns out, not exactly. At least no, when you are not capable of moving or speaking on your own. And why exactly did her body choose to romance Solas of all people?
Relationships: Fen'Harel | Solas/Female Lavellan, Fen'Harel | Solas/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 23





	Helpless

**Author's Note:**

> If there are any mistakes, do not hesitate to point them out. I am grateful for every comment and kudos. Thank you and enjoy.  
> For those not that used to Elvhen or familiar with brilliantly made Project Elvhen by FenxShiral:  
> Ar mala lasan na revas - I now grant you freedom (taken from aforementioned Project Elvhen were it is briliantly explained why it should have been different than it was in the cutscene)  
> Vhen'an - heart/home  
> 'ma fenor - my precious/dear/darling  
> Ar lath ma - I love you

Every day she grew more desperate. She used to be just an ordinary woman, working as a secretary in a pharmaceutical firm. She had lived with her beloved husky and even had dated a nice guy. Day after day, she remembered less about the life she used to live. She wasn't sure what happened, but her first clear memory began in a cold cell. That was also the day she realised she wasn't in her own world anymore. 

She was in Thedas. That was the revelation she wasn't prepared for. Cassandra and Leliana were accusing her and when she opened her mouth to speak, words came flowing. She was in shock at first, completely confused by this sudden misplacement. It wasn't until Cassandra brought her outside that her blood run cold with understanding: her body and mouth weren't in her control anymore. 

Before, she enjoyed fanfiction about coming to a different world. To her, it was exciting to meet every character she liked, to help them and to change the outcome. It was especially true for her favourite series which was Dragon Age. She loved many of the characters, pitied a lot and sometimes just wanted to talk to them. Unfortunately, reality took it all away from her. 

At first, she was sure it was just a dream. That was until, as scripted, she fell down the bridge with Cassandra. The first demon she saw shook her, but not as much as the feeling she got while her body fought. Surprisingly, she was a mage. While she couldn’t control her body, she could feel the magic flowing through her. This particular feeling was more than it was necessary to convince her of how real her situation was. 

She struggled. She wanted to take control of her actions and make her dreams come true. Yet she wasn’t even herself anymore. When she met the Chancellor Rodrick, the script changed a little. In the game, Leliana’s introduction of “the prisoner” was cut short. However, in reality Leliana introduced her as “Ellana Lavellan”. 

Despite how much it was problematic to accept that she became an elf, Ellana didn’t give up, even when she had forgotten her previous name. It helped that her body took the same actions that she liked to do in her playthroughs. Her Inquisitor was a nice elven woman, with innocence and decisiveness. However, the longer her mind stayed imprisoned, the more she became angry at her kind and timid body. How can someone stay the same when the world was coming to an end? 

Ellana experienced many things that changed her mind about helping Thedas. She went through every side quest that she usually didn’t think much about, but now she felt greatly involved. The greed of some people infuriated her. The ones that approached her in the main hall in Skyhold were mostly nobles that wanted scrapes of power from her. Yet, while her mind could see that, her mouth always sympathised with them. Ellana was very lucky that she came out victorious against countless enemies that dared to try her. It seems like no matter how far her body went into the off-script trouble, it would eventually come back for the main events just fine. 

All in all, Ellana didn’t easily fall into the madness. What helped her the most was her own Inquisition. She met many people that she hated, but to see the different races united in one place to fight Corypheus, her faith in Thedas didn’t cease completely. At the end of the day, she always talked with her Advisors or Companions. 

She loved Leliana since Origin and she was glad to see that her body choose the correct options to soften her. Ellana always thought about her advises a lot, sometimes even while her body was fighting. As for Josephine, she was still the sweetest thing ever. Every time they saw each other, Josephine would smile and this small encouragement was sometimes all that could calm Ellana’s inner anger. Similarly, she anticipated the meetings with Cullen. He was the one that she had used to choose as her romantic partner. He was breathtaking in her eyes, a little similar to the boyfriend that she had almost forgotten. Additionally, her mouth said just the right things to make him blush in the most adorable way. To sum it up, he was her digital and real crush. 

Her travels were pleasant as well. Varric was really supportive and could lift the mood easily. Cassandra was a great friend as well as a warrior, while teaching Ellana various things. Vivienne was her usual bitchy self, but she was a good source on the Game and nobility. While her body screwed up some things as scripted, Ellana was grateful for these lessons. Blackwall was sometimes awkward. In the end, they achieved something like a mutual respect. Ellana’s heart wept for his life situation, but she wasn’t able to do a thing. The Iron Bull together with Sera were the two people responsible for most of the fun memories that Ellana had. They became her most precious friends surprisingly quickly. Dorian was an equally fun friend to have. While she was with him, she felt almost like herself. She wasn’t even surprised when her body took an arrow meant for him. Her mind and body were equally set on protecting him. Even Cole noted that. This adorable spirit sometimes conversed with her real self. However, when she asked him to explain her predicament, nobody believed him. Her body didn’t support his claim and after it backfired on him, she forbade Cole to try anymore. 

As for Solas, Ellana was the most conflicted. When she had played the game, he was the character that she disliked. She truly hated how he fooled everyone around him and used the Inquisition. When she became Ellana, she wanted to show his true identity, just out of spite. The worst for her was when she realised that her body was flirting with him. Why did that happen? Her body did things the same way that she had played, so why it romanced Solas which she never did? In her imagination, Ellana could see the little “Solas approves” which irritated her greatly. 

She wasn’t sure what changed, but she knew which event was truly ground-breaking. It was when they arrived in Skyhold and she met Solas in the Fade. Her heart stopped at the moment she kissed him. She felt disgust at her own helplessness. She wanted to scream or cry, yet her body only went according to script. When he pushed her away, she felt her anger rise more than ever. She saw that his eyes widened. “We shouldn’t,” he said and Ellana wanted to answer: “Of course not, you idiot wolf!” 

Still, he didn’t push her away when she returned to him. Ellana learned a lot about him thanks to this romance. How he put the smallest pause right after he realized he slipped from his poor apostate character. The proud look in his eyes when she asked him the important questions. The depth of his emotions when he could hardly stop himself after releasing his friend. For her, he wasn’t that different from the elves he hated. 

His eyes frequently followed her. She knew that he tried to figured her out, understood her. Unfortunately for him, she was the perfect elf to fall in love in. It was devastating for Ellana to observe how he more and more cares about her. That one time on the balcony he praised her, yet it was not her who had been acting this all time. They shared a second kiss. Afterwards, Ellana slowly accepted that she had fallen in love in every little thing that he did. 

He was always there for her. Whenever she felt lost, her body would somehow carry her to him. He offered support and she let herself believe that just for the little while the evitable end of their relationship didn’t matter. Her smiles directed at him became truer, while her love blossomed. She could hardly believe that the same elf who kept protecting her would in the future try to end the world. 

Then, it came. She knew it, when one day she walked by his side in the Crestwood. Solas asked for a day just for him, knowing that she wouldn’t refuse. They were in the area anyway, so she had no other choice; not that she ever had any. It was the clearing where he was destined to break up with her. It was a beautiful place, but for her, it was only stirring up an ache in her heart. 

She walked by his side, feeling his warm hand. Ellana focused on remembering well how she felt, aware that she was too far in love to stop. If she had to be honest, she didn’t want to stop. 

“The Veil is thin here. Can you feel it on your skin, tingling?” He said the scripted dialogue. Ellana saw it enough times to recognize it. While she never harboured any love for him in her own world, she had friends that did. She didn’t remember them now either. 

They stopped closer to the water. Ellana could feel what he described on her own skin while her eyes were locked on his. “I was trying to determine some way to show you what you mean to me.” Solas continued. If Ellana could move, she would have silenced him. However, she only could listen to her hurriedly beating heart. She barely could feel his gentle hand on her cheek. 

“I’m listening and I can offer a few suggestions.” She flirted. 

Solas smiled. “I shall bear that in mind. For now, the best thing I can offer to you is the truth. You are unique. In all Thedas, I never expected to find someone who could draw my attention from the Fade. You have become important to me, more important than I could have imagined.” 

Ellana felt as if her heart was about to break. He was important to her too, after almost two years of being together. She wasn’t always happy, definitely not at first. Still, she was given so much that she couldn’t simply give him up. She was aware that he fell for someone she wasn’t, but she wanted to stay with him even if it was a lie. 

“As you are to me.” Her voice said softly, but her mind supported it. 

“Then what I must tell you...” He hesitated. Ellana saw it clearly, even though it wasn’t easy. She caught a shadow pass his eyes and a quick clench of a jaw, before he continued. By now she knew him too well to ignore the obvious signs. “The truth.” His eyes hardened while he relaxed. He wasn’t fooling her. She knew that he only found a new subject to redirect her attention. It seems like the players' suspicions were true - he tried to tell her who he was. “Your face. The vallaslin. In my journeys in the Fade, I have seen things. I have discovered what whose marks mean.” 

“They honor the elven gods.” Her naïve mouth said. 

“No.” He lightly shook his head, never breaking eye contact. “They are slave markings, or at least, they were in the times of ancient Arlathan.” 

“My clan’s keeper said they honor the gods. These are their symbols.” 

“Yes. That’s right. A noble would mark his slaves to honor the gods he worshipped. After Arlathan fell, the Dalish forgot.” 

Her face looked shocked and her voice was shaken, but she was only sad inside. “So this is... what? Just one more thing the Dalish got wrong?” 

Solas fell silent for a moment. “I’m sorry.” 

You shouldn’t apologise, Ellana thought. She wanted to thank him. He didn’t need to tell this to the Inquisitor, but he did. It was something she truly appreciated. However, as always, she couldn’t do a thing. 

Her mouth continued with the drama. “We try to preserve our culture and this is what we keep? Relics of a time we were no better than Tevinter?” 

“Don’t say that.” Solas lightly scolded her. Of course, Ellana agreed with him, but for different reasons. The Dalish tried really hard to remember their origins even if they failed. “For all they got wrong, the Dalish did one thing right. They made you.” Her heart ached more now. Her body slightly swayed and he put his hands on hers. “I didn’t tell this to hurt you. If you like, I know a spell... I can remove the vallaslin.” 

Ellana wanted to scream. She wanted to be acknowledged for her own actions and believes. She wanted to live, to be with him, to talk, anything. She was tortured for so long, when will it end? 

“If what you’re saying is true...” 

Will she ever be able to tell him how much she loves him? 

“It is.” 

“Then... my people vowed never to submit to the slavery.” Ellana was glad that her vallaslin could be removed. Even though her face was the same as before, she only saw the markings whenever she looked into the mirror. It was a minor thing, but it may lighten her heart after this break up. At least, she would try to fool herself for a while. 

“I’m so sorry for causing you pain. It was selfish of me. I look at you and I see what you truly are...” He paused for a moment while a soft smile passed his face. “And you deserve better than what those cruel marks represent.” 

“Then cast your spell. Take the vallaslin away.” 

He looked at her with a pride. “Sit.” He guided her to a rock, kneeling before her. 

Ellana was shocked. She never realised that he, the proud wolf, was kneeling before his loved one in this scene. In her previous life, she wouldn’t even understood what it meant to him. As his name indicated, Pride, even in his apostate-act he never did more than was assumed he should. To dirty his knees and look at her from below as if she was the goddess to him, while he was more suitable for the title; Ellana could feel the embarrassment and shyness overcoming her thoughts. 

Her eyes followed his hands as they shined with his magic. Solas slowly moved his hands before her face and she blinked when she felt the slight prickling on her skin. The Mythal’s vallaslin was gone from her face. Ellana never would have thought that she would feel such a relief, as if something fell from her heart. 

“Ar mala lasan na revas. You are free.” He helped her up. She relished in the feeling, forgetting about her pain for a moment. She locked her eyes with his, trying to remember his features with a smile. “You are so beautiful.” 

Those simple words meant a lot for her. She felt like her old self, like he loved her. Naturally, they kissed as if they belonged to each other and a sharp pain in her heart reminded her of her predicament. But she didn’t want to stop. His hands were simply caressing her sides, while she could hug him closer to her. He was such a good kisser and she immediately regretted the moment he pulled away. 

He was conflicted. She could see he didn’t want to break up. Anger rose in her immediately. 

“And I am so-” 

A hand struck him in the face. He rose his own to the reddening cheek, his eyes wide with surprise. 

“You shouldn’t get to say “I’m sorry”, when you’re the one breaking up. Why do you do this?” Ellana was so furious with so many things which she wanted to say to him. “You knew you would never commit to someone like the Inquisitor, so why didn’t you stop it?!” 

“Vhenan-” He tried to say. 

“Why do you insist on hurting yourself?” She shook her head in a fury. “Are you trying to atone? I fell in love with you, yet the only thing that I can hear is-” As she was about to parody his famous break up line, Ellana realised what was happening. “I can speak.” Her eyes widened and she brought her arms up to see them. “I can move.” 

Tears started to move down her face as her body swayed. She blackened out for a split second, before feeling Solas’s hands around her. 

“I understand that you are shocked-“ 

“Solas" She interrupted him, looking up at him. “Can you let go off me?” 

He hesitated but she was too excited to focus on reading him. “Of course. I apologise.” 

She stood steadily and took a few steps away, staring at her feet. She felt as if she were floating. She wiggled her toes, admiring how they moved against the grass. She reminisced how unused she was to wearing foot wraps, but now it felt great to her. “Amazing.” She muttered. She could do whatever she wanted to. 

She turned her head up and skipped back to Solas, smiling brightly at him. Her love deserved to see her happiness. Nothing could restrain her anymore. “It reminds me. Thank you for telling me about vallaslin as well as removing it.” 

“How can you thank me?” His voice was low and she flinched. She never was on the receiving side of his anger. “I’ve seen how much it hurt you.” 

“You're wrong.” Ellana protested. She reached to the cheek the she had struck. He closed his eyes, his anger seizing only a smallest amount. “I was hurt when you wanted to break up with me for my sake. I'm sorry I’ve slapped you. I regret I let the anger to rule me before I realised what I was doing. It sounds like a bad excuse but it is the truth. As for the vallaslin, I'm happy now. I feel lighter and-" her eyes widened before she chuckled. “Free. You really freed me.” 

She cupped his face, her own turning serious. “Solas, open your eyes and answer truthfully my question.” He did as she asked and for a moment she was lost in his beautiful eyes. She scolded herself in her mind. There was a time for everything. “Is there a way to control someone with the vallaslin to do things even against their will?” 

His clouded and mournful eyes sharpened in an instant. “It is possible, yes.” She let go of his face, frowning. “It would require a lot of skill and I doubt there is someone capable of still doing it. Even in times of Arlathan only a handful were able to. Are you suggesting someone tampered with your mind?” 

“You're quick as always.” She smiled. “Though in my case my mind stayed intact. My actions weren't my own but I was always aware of it.” 

Her heart ached when she saw from his face the exact moment he realised. “For how long?” 

“Ever since I first stepped out of the Breach. I don't even remember much of my life before that.” He tightened his jaw. “I am not the perfect elf that you love, even if I did fell in love in you. I am just me. Sorry to disappoint.” She laughed humourlessly. Although she felt an enormous relief at being free, her predicament jabbed her heart where it hurt the most. 

He stared at her in silence, making her feel conscious. “Let's go back, my dear Pride.” She proposed. “You do not need to break up with someone you never loved.” She abruptly turned before he could see her tears. 

“Vhenan-" 

“No.” She sharply called out. “It is only this shell that you love. Do not hurt both of us with words of endearment.” 

Ellana walked away, heading to her horse. She stopped by the halla that Solas used to ride on. “You are beautiful, little one.” She whispered to it, reaching her hand for the animal to sniff. 

The halla wasn't looking like she disapproved of her, so she patted her on her neck. Even something as simple as patting an animal made her heart soar in joy. 

“I think that my horse will get jealous if I don't stop now.” She laughed to the halla, hearing both the sounds from her horse with the quiet steps of Solas. 

“Aren’t you being unfair?” He closed the distance between them. She turned her head and her eyes widened. Their faces were only inches apart. She remembered of the Fade Step and appeared next to her horse. “You called me “yours” after all.” 

She reached to check her saddle. “Did it offend you?” 

“Never.” 

“Then I am not going to stop.” Ellana pulled herself on the back of her horse. She straightened and looked at him. In a split second her face changed from a lightly smiling one to the one full of despair. She didn’t understand how it was possible, but for her there wasn’t any boundary between happiness and this feeling. Solas flinched under her eyes. 

“You're wrong if you think that the Inquisitor you know was a real person. She behaved normally when others were around. However, the moment she was by herself, she stopped. If she had paper work to do, she would finish it and sit in the chair unmoving until someone called for her. Sometimes she sat for hours, sometimes even until dawn. She never complained and never cried. Meanwhile I had no means to show my emotions. Do you know how much anger I accumulated throughout the last two years? For the first time I can act depending on what I feel. Right now, it is impossible for me to deny my love for you.” She turned her horse around and slowly rode off. “If you still cannot understand it, just accept that I am a different person from her.” 

Solas quickly mounted his steed to hurry after her. When he could finally see her face again, her smile was back. “Do you know who bound you through the vallaslin?” He asked after a moment. 

“No. I don’t remember anything from before the Breach. I can recall the few memories that I’ve obtained in the Fade, but nothing more. I’m not even sure that I was born as a Lavellan.” Ellana said plainly. She knew about her life on the Earth but whether she was reborn as a Lavellan or only inhabiting her body, she had no idea. Her head turned to him and she giggled at his expression. He was frowning, thinking over her words as carefully as he would deal with anything important. “So, I did manage to catch your attention, ‘ma fenor Solas.” 

“It was never focused elsewhere.” He smiled. His voice was gentle as if nothing happened between them. 

She sharply inhaled and blushed heavily. “You’re being a sweet talker again.” She accused him with a pout before closing her eyes. Her emotions were hard to reign, so she trusted in her horse for a few minutes, before she was able to focus. “I hope they started a fire in Caer Bronach. It is getting chilly.” She looked at the keep close by before glancing at Solas. “Will you stay with me till Corypheus is dead?” She asked shyly. 

“That is my intention.” 

“Then, will you allow me to be close to you as we were?” 

“I don’t think that’s necessary. I have distracted you from your duty for long enough.” 

She sighed. He believed he really needed to break up with her. “Right now, the distraction is all I need. Or rather, I would probably try to kill Mythal if there was no one holding me back.” 

Her insides twisted when she saw how he tried to cover his shock while he stopped his halla. Ellana glanced at the keep nearby, noticing soldiers preparing for their arrival. She knew that Solas couldn’t refuse her. Whether it was to protected Anchor or herself from Mythal – the most important was that he would go. Did he even knew she was still alive, merged with Flemeth? 

“Do you believe the goddess you revere was the one enslaving you?” 

She looked at him with a surprise. “The goddess I revere?” She repeated confused. “Do you mean Mythal? I’m sorry, but unlike the Inquisitor I don’t believe in Dalish tales. I know that she wouldn’t care about one elf. That doesn’t mean I don’t have a bone to pick with her.” Ellana smiled. She couldn’t wait to talk to the woman. 

“What bone is it then?” Solas frowned slightly. Ellana couldn’t help but giggle. 

“You will find out when we get to meet her.” Yes, she would find a way to confront her with Solas by her side. She didn’t really trust her with the soul of the Old God. 

She broke into the short gallop. The gate was already opened for her and she jumped off her horse. “Have someone bring me paper and ink to my chamber and get a raven ready.” 

“Yes, your Worship.” Answered her brown-haired soldier. 

Ellana followed the keep’s warden to her chambers, frowning all the way. Did Solas suspect Mythal for enslaving her through her vallaslin? She was enslaved even before she was chosen to be the Inquisitor, plus Mythal had no reason for forcing her into a romance. For Ellana it was a rather long shot, but if Solas suspected his friend then maybe she needed to look more into it.

* * *

_For how long was I in here?_ She played with the question in her mind, pushing it away, tugging closer or turning it on its head. _For how long will I remain here?_ Her bare feet prickled her because of the stone-cold floor while her whole body was stiff. She didn't stop hugging her knees even in pain; she only hung her head in defeat. After all, there was no point in trying to do anything. 

She ignored the sounds of footsteps. From time to time demons tried to tempt her but eventually they all abandoned her as well. There were no other visitors in her small cell. 

“Ellana?” She heard Solas’ voice. Her heart stopped, but she didn’t raise her head. 

“Which is it today?” She asked, her voice resigned. She was so tired. “Didn’t we already established that none of you can give me back my life? Or is it again with the whole “I will stay with you forever” bullshit that he would have never say to me?” 

Her own words backfired on her, causing a wave of pain in her heart. The room shook a little, as if her mind could shutter by his rejection. She would never be the Inquisitor and even for the perfect Inquisitor Solas wouldn’t stay. It was never meant to be. The least she could do was to be happy that her actions were finally her own. 

“Ellana.” He crouched before her. “Look at me.” 

She rose her head irritated. “Solas would never call this name, you poor-” She froze in the middle of the insult, wide eyed. 

Being the Inquisitor had its advantages. For some reason if she looked in the eyes of the demons, she could see their true form. However, now she could only see the grey eyes belonging to Solas himself. Her heart quickened its pace. 

“You’ve never come here before.” She said the first thing on her mind. She blinked confused, even forgetting her pain. “You weren't able to. How did you manage to find me?” 

“Is that really what you wanted to ask me?” His lips turned slightly upwards. “Ever the curious one.” 

She tensed. She really didn’t like how he confused her with the actions from her body. “This is the deepest place in my mind as well as my prison.” She didn’t move from her curled position, narrowing her eyes at him. “Why did you enter now?” 

“A new path was opened. There is a high probability it was connected to the removal of your vallaslin.” He theorised. 

Ellana snorted. “Anything that will happen from now on is connected to it. If I fail to kill Corypheus, it will be because of it as well.” 

Solas visibly paled. “Is everything that you learned for the last two years lost?” 

“No.” Her eyes fell on her knees. “I remember every lesson from you and I’ve already tested a few spells. I didn’t have a chance to use the Anchor, but it looks like my body hasn’t changed. It seems safe to assume that I can fight normally. It just worries me that I am not the one supposed to be fighting him.” 

“What do you mean?” His hand reached out towards her. 

Her eyes widened in a panic and she pushed her body back in a hurry. Her hands slid on the smooth floor, until a tug on her neck stopped her. Solas looked at her collar connected to the centre of the cell, where she was previously sitting. 

“What are you still so scared of?” He didn’t move from his place, but his eyes penetrated hers. “Why do you imprison yourself even now?” 

Ellana’s eyes filled with tears for a moment before she contained them. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to tell him or not, but the words flew out of her quickly. 

“That’s because I will never be free. My death was certain from the moment I got this.” She showed her Anchor. Even in her mind it shined in a green colour. “Two years ago, this place was my palace. Whenever she had to sleep, I could do whatever I wanted to. I walked in the magnificent gardens, ignored the demons, talked with the spirits-” She choked, not even able to be happy of the proud look on Solas’ face. “I had my own space. I was at peace during the night. Until the day we closed the Breach.” Her voice dropped to a whisper. “I’ve noticed then. With each usage of the Anchor I’ve been losing my memories. This mind palace was also getting smaller. I knew that the Anchor wasn’t meant to be used by a mortal, but I didn’t expect what it truly meant.” 

“There must be a way for you to stay alive.” Solas said. His eyes were so sad that Ellana let her tears fall down her cheeks. 

“Only through cutting my arm off, you know it.” The regret was written on his face. “I will die one way or another. The Anchor may consume me or I will die when the Veil will disappear.” 

He was once again surprised. Ellana must have admit that she liked making him feel this way. “Why do you think the Veil will disappear and with such certainty at that?” 

She chuckled. Of course, he was especially interested in that. The old her would have lied, spun a tale so he would have never attempted to bring down the Veil; however, she had loved him too much to destroy his hope. 

“I have talked to the spirits about the probability of bringing the Veil down by an immortal. If one had the Orb, power to use it and the mastery of magic, it would happen.” She assured. It will happen once Solas has the fully functioning Orb. She knew it wasn’t something only in the far away fiction, a bad end for the next game. It was her reality. "The Corypheus lacked the last one. However, with a better understanding he may have brought death on all of us.” She referred to the mortals. They would all die when the Veil will be gone. Her eyes drifted off. “I harbour no positive feelings for him, but what he did was foolish.” 

Solas shook his head. “Come with me.” He reached his hand. 

She didn’t move. “I can’t leave this cell. I don’t know if there is anything left of my palace, but this is the centre of it. When I let it disappear, I will lose all of my memories. An empty shell can’t fight Corypheus.” 

“I wouldn’t ask you to abandon yourself.” He reasoned. 

Ellana hesitated, before she finally clasped his hand. “I trust you.” She admitted quietly. 

His hand was warm and she focused her eyes there. It seemed like even with everything that happened, Solas still didn't abandon her. She smiled to herself, half-absently squeezing his hand a little harder. Her chest burned with fire from love while her worries became forgotten. She didn't notice when they passed the door. 

“Magnificent view.” Solas said and she blinked her eyes to clear her head. 

He was right. The outside of her palace was surrounded by blooming gardens, with numerous trees giving shade to hide from the orangish setting sun. The nature appeared to be wild, but also orderly, as if a genius gardener was in charge of it. Ellana sighed, realizing that the doors from the cells were only connected to this place. The monumental halls decorated with reliefs and stain-glass windows were all gone. 

“It is.” She run her hand across the railing. They were on the terrace of the tower, not that different in height than the one in the Skyhold. “Do you see the edge over there?” She pointed far away, where the garden suddenly disappeared in a reddish mist. “I believe it represents the memories I have left of my previous life. I only hope I will die before I forget who I am.” 

Solas grabbed her by her shoulders and spun her to him. She would be more concerned about the forceful way he did it, if she didn’t get the full view of his face. She’d thought she would never again see him desperate after the day she had sealed the Breach. 

“Never say it again, even in jest.” He had stared down at her with stormy eyes. “I will not let that happen.” 

“What are you going to do?” Ellana asked in a resigned tone, fitting for the one destined to die. 

“Whatever I can.” 

He was serious and all she could do was to close her eyes to escape his. There was little he could do with his weakened power, but while it maybe was the point she should have focused on, Ellana couldn’t do it. Not when he answered as if scripted. 

“I am not her.” She reminded, her hands flying to hide her face. She wasn’t sure what kind of expression she had, but he didn’t need to see her tears. Why would he use the words so similar to those from the Inquisitor? “Please.” 

“Ellana, look at me.” She risked a peak between her fingers. He was pressing at her wrists, to uncover her face. She didn’t have the strength to oppose him. His own grey eyes were pools filled with sadness. “There is no greater tragedy than to lose oneself. It won’t happen to you.” 

Her lip trembled with fear and she let her tears fall, before she answered. “You’re not powerful enough to stop it.” Solas didn’t even twitch at the truth. “But there is something you can do.” 

“What is it?” He hesitated, but brought his hand to swipe away the tears from her cheeks. His other hand was intertwined with her own, giving her comfort. 

“When I lose all...” She waved her free hand around to pass her thoughts, but unable to form it with her own mouth. “I want you to finish my job. To close all the rifts and in doing so, stabilize the Veil.” 

“What are you talking about?” He shook his head. “How can I?” 

Thinking about what she was about to say, she let out a sob while her tears flowed freely. She placed a hand on his cheek, caressing his skin as if it was the last time she could do it. “I’m sorry to ask this of you.” She whispered. 

Maybe it was because of how emotional they both were, but Solas still didn’t catch her meaning. He had a little wrinkle between his brows; too small to be an indicator that he was angry, but enough so she knew how he felt. 

He opened his mouth to say something, maybe asked her what she meant, but she quickly spoke before he could. “Take control of my body.” He froze, taking aback by her suggestion. “If I can’t take care of the rifts, you have to make me. Promise me.” 

His face twisted in pain so clearly, it seemed to multiply the pain Ellana felt from guilt. 

“Ellana.” His hand reached for her cheek, but he hesitated shortly before lightly squeezing her shoulder. “Don’t ask me to do this.” 

“But you’re the only one who can do it.” She placed both of her hands on his chest. She only noticed how they ended up in an embrace. “You’re the only one who I would trust with this. I love you.” 

Solas brought her closer and buried his face in her shoulder. 

“I love you.” She said once more. The truth was easy to say. She patted his back, when his form trembled in her arms. “I will always trust you.” Her breath tickled his ear while she whispered to him her last confession: “I will always stand by your side, no matter what you do, ‘ma fenor.” 

The endearment was more than one could think. Ellana didn’t think it was the right time to tell him she knew who he was. However, it was sufficient, until the day when she could call him “my wolf”. 

He rose his head, quickly covering any sign of fear. She still saw it in his eyes before he erased it. His mouth opened, but words failed him when she moved closer as if to kiss him. He did nothing to protest, although his face was tormented by sadness. 

She wanted much more than a chaste kiss. However, she settled on this one, before she could make him to promise. “Even if you would wish to destroy the world tomorrow, I will still be by your side.” 

His eyes widened, with so much shock that he couldn’t possibly hide it. “Ellana-” 

She interrupted him with another chaste kiss. “As for my wish, I want to always stay by your side. And to bring this to an end.” She brought up the topic again. “Will you take this duty?” 

“To even think of enslaving you; making you a mindless marionette and by mine hands no less, it is...” He shook his head, searching for the right word. 

“Disgusting.” She finished. “But I’m okay with this, if it’s you.” 

“I cannot.” 

“I trust you.” She reminded. 

“No.” 

He was once again shocked, when he saw all the pain she had gathered in plain view. The clouds appeared and the sky shook. The flowers turned their heads down, while Ellana’s lip trembled. 

“I have to close all of them. I will always regret it if I don’t.” Her tears fell once again. “But my mind is crumbling even as we speak!” 

The anger rose in her because he denied her closure. She pointed out the horizon and as if synchronized, they heard something falling apart. Both of them looked towards the source, witnessing as a tree slowly fell into the mist. 

Ellana dug her fingers powerfully into Solas’s shirt, without realizing it. She stared at the spot of the missing tree while fear overflowed inside her. 

What was forgotten? Which memory was forever lost? 

She had already given up on any names, not only hers but her parents’, her boyfriend’s and her dog’s as well. She didn’t know where was the country she grew up with, whether her apartment was in small city or a larger one. She barely remembered her job and the company she worked for. She didn’t know if she bought things that were in her apartment by herself or wasn’t sure if they were really there. Maybe she only imagined this cute cat bowl, perhaps she saw it on the internet? 

Her boyfriend had short, dark hair, that much she was sure of. She loved him earnestly, although the power of this love didn’t compare to the one she had found in Thedas. It could be that she only forgotten how much she had loved him, but Ellana didn’t want to dwell on it. 

Did she even know her parents? They were only a word by this point. She could be abandoned at birth, for all she knew. They could also love her very much. She didn’t know anything about them. 

Her dog was warm. He liked to sleep on her bed. She remembered when he was little and could nestle next to her head, compared to later when he had to sleep in between their legs. She remembered her boyfriend didn’t mind sleeping with her dog and that she would curl her legs to allow her big furry friend to rest comfortably. His breed was... 

She didn’t know. 

Was this the fragment that she had just forgotten? 

She screamed. 

Solas tried to calm her down with no result. “Ellana!” He shook her, trying to break her out of this trance. Her emotions might attract many demons. “ Vhenan !” He tried the endearment, but it didn’t work. 

Her throat wasn’t even capable of getting hurt by the screaming and she continued, without troubles. 

Solas gritted his teeth in desperation, before almost barking a command: _“Wake up!”_

She screamed even when she was woken up. The door to her room opened violently and both Varric and Bull stormed inside, looking for assassins. They were disturbed to find none, but before they could take any other action, Solas stormed inside. 

He didn’t say a word to them, not even acknowledging their existence or the fact that he only had his pants on. His legs led him straight to Ellana, gathering the elf in his arms. 

“Ellana!” He tried once more. The despair drove a hole in his heart as if mirroring the emotion his beloved was expressing. 

He tugged her head under his own, rocking her in his arms. He couldn’t just wait until she was too tired to scream. After all, there was a possibility she would lose her mind first. 

“I promise!” Solas tried to be louder than her wails. “I promise!” 

She quietened all of a sudden and the silence was piercing, before she hiccupped. He turned her head towards him, observing her condition. She was still crying and the hiccup was followed by another. 

“Shhh.” He wiped her tears. “I will always be with you. I promise.” 

The door at his back closed silently and Solas noted in his mind to thank their companions in the morning. 

“I didn’t want to pressure you.” She said with a raspy voice. 

“I know, vhenan.” He moved to sit against the headboard, making sure Ellana was comfortable as well. “The promises were given by my own will. Both of them.” 

She frowned slightly at him. “But I wasn’t the Inquisitor, not really. I’m not the one you fell in love with.” 

To her surprise, he smiled. “Weren’t you the one who broke our first kiss?” 

She flinched, blinking hurriedly as if to ensure it isn’t a dream. “How?” 

“There was always this fire in your eyes that I couldn’t quite grasp.” Solas put his forehead on hers. “I remember Cole explaining your predicament in which I couldn’t believe. Spirits couldn’t lie, but they could be mistaken. I remember you laughed at his words, but your eyes were so sad. Afterwards I always looked at your eyes first.” 

She trembled. “Do you mean...?” Her heart hurriedly beat in her ribcage as if it wanted to break free. 

“Ar lath ma, vhenan. Only you, Ellana.” 

Ellana gasped. She could see in his eyes that it was the truth. They were so close she would have noticed if he was unsure. “Thank you.” 

“I only spoke the truth.” 

She gave him a kiss and he didn’t hesitate in returning it. However, he quickly stopped it. “You should get some rest.” 

“Thank you for noticing me.” She laughed. Solas was sure the more beautiful sound didn't exist. 

He caressed her hair while she laid down on his chest. She wasn’t sleepy so she only focused on absorbing every bit of love she felt. His touch was gentle and she was calmer than usual. Her despair was just a bad memory. That one she can forget. 

She knew what she would do. Everything she had ever dreamed of was within her grasp. She would play Wicked Grace with Varric. Drink a beer or more with Bull. Play some prank with Sera. Encourage Thom to be more open with his feelings. Tell Vivienne that she would always find a way for her word to matter. Have a girl night with Cassandra even if the other would protest with all her might, at least at first. Thank Cole for all his help. Make sure Dorian knows he is her best friend, because she would be damned if she died before telling him this. 

Her advisors also deserved her attention. She wanted to have a long talk with Cullen. There was so much she had to say, knowing how hard he was fighting with his addiction. She needed to thank Josephine and ensure her that she is the brightest star in the whole Inquisition. Last but not the least, she had to tell Leliana love and care does make people stronger. To remember her predecessor and make her proud as a new Divine. 

There was so much more to be done before she would face Corypheus. Ellana remembered to ensure Morrigan made an informed decision before drinking from the Well. Free the elves from the Temple. To bring Solas before Flemeth, so she would pass her power, but not before Ellana punches her for adding more to his shoulders. She also had to seek out Qunari spies, while making sure she doesn’t uncover Solas’s. 

So many things to do, but only one was important. Stay by his side till the end. 

* * *

Solas breathed out with relief. 

“It is almost over.” His beloved didn’t acknowledge his words, but he didn’t expect her to. “And what of the Inquisition?” 

The messenger didn’t dare to rise his head. “Their members are scattered. The new Inquisitor is in hiding. They were caught by the surprise Empress Briala prepared for them. She wanted you to know their Commander died by her own hand.” 

Solas looked around the main hall. To think they would abandon Skyhold and then fail every attempted attack when he took over. “A shame. Continue as you were.” 

“Yes, my lord. My lady.” The elf bowed before exiting. 

He looked up at his beloved sitting on his legs. He met her unmoving, lifeless eyes and caressed her cheek. His thumb moved along the curves he so meticulously painted on her face. The line he followed ended on her lips. 

“Soon, vhenan.” He planted a chaste kiss on her lips, just like the one she used to give him in public. “You will be forever free.” 

She didn’t move. There was no fire hidden deep in her eyes. 

Soon, everything will be as it should have been. If he dies, he will do so with no regrets. If not, he would be more powerful than ever before. Perhaps it would be enough to bring Ellana back. 

In the event his powers alone would not be sufficient, he would find another way. And if someone dares to try to stop him, he would show no mercy. They would wish he had died when the world ended. 

_Only once more._ He thought, looking at her eyes, before whispering to her. 

_“Wake up!”_


End file.
